Guilt, Grace, and Growth – Learning to Be Enough as a Parent During the Festive Season
Where has this year gone? The festive season is already upon us, and with it comes a swirl of emotions, joy, anticipation, and at times, a quiet undercurrent of guilt. If you’re a parent and a caregiver, chances are you’ve felt it, the weight pressing on your shoulders, sometimes so subtle, sometimes not. The guilt often whispers, “Am I doing enough? Saying enough? Being enough?”. It sneaks in during moments when you miss a cue, lose your patience, or wonder if you’re advocating hard enough or celebrating your child for who they truly are!
Some days, it feels like being caught in an endless balancing act, tipping between the fear of falling short and the hope of getting it right.
But here’s the truth: perfection was never the goal! I have this written on a Post-it on my bathroom mirror! Parenting isn’t about flawless execution; it’s about showing up with love, over and over again. There’s grace in the messy, unfiltered reality of it all.
According to studies on “good enough parenting,” initiated by Donald Winnicott in the mid-20th century and supported by recent findings, children thrive not because of perfect parenting, but because of a secure and loving connection. Winnicott’s theory emphasises that small mistakes and repairs; like apologising after losing your temper, actually help children develop resilience, emotional regulation, and a realistic understanding of relationships.
The festive season, however, has a way of intensifying those feelings of “not enough.” The holidays come with an invisible script of expectations: creating magical moments, attending events, finding the perfect gifts, and juggling family traditions. For parents of neurodivergent children or those with unique needs, the pressure can feel even heavier. Navigating sensory sensitivities, disrupted routines, and social commitments can make this time of year overwhelming, for both parents and children.
So how can parents and carers be “enough” in the face of all these expectations? By letting go of perfection and embracing presence. A recent survey on holiday stress published in APA Monitor revealed that 62% of parents feel overwhelmed by the season’s demands. Yet, the same research found that children value connection, shared experiences and moments of togetherness; far more than elaborate gifts or perfectly executed plans.
I have fond memories of growing up in London, England. During the festive season, one of my favourite traditions, as a small child, was piling into the car with my family to see the twinkling Christmas lights on Oxford Street in central London. Decades later, we still reminisce about those magical shared moments.
What does this tell us?
This means simplifying where you can. Maybe that looks like opting out of one social event or replacing a full day of outings with a cozy family movie night. Maybe it’s setting clear boundaries with extended family about what works best for your child’s needs; or even your own. Remember, traditions can be adapted to fit your family’s reality; there’s no single way to create holiday magic.
Shifting the narrative in your head can make all the difference. Instead of cataloguing mistakes, focus on the ways you’re growing through the process. Every hard day teaches patience. Every challenging moment deepens empathy. Every victory; no matter how small, reminds us that love and effort matter so much more than perfection. Growth doesn’t mean always getting it right; it means learning to navigate the journey with grace for yourself and your child.
This idea of “good enough parenting” doesn’t mean lowering your standards or giving up on your aspirations. Instead, it’s about acknowledging that showing up consistently and with care is what truly matters. Research from developmental psychology supports this idea, showing that children need stability and connection more than picture-perfect moments. The “good enough” approach also allows you to prioritise quality over quantity when it comes to time spent with your child. It’s not about doing everything right but doing enough of what builds trust, love, and support.
During the festive season, it’s also helpful to focus on self-care as a priority, not a luxury. According to the Journal of Family Psychology, parents who take small, intentional steps to reduce their stress; whether it’s stepping outside for a breather, practicing mindfulness, or reaching out to a trusted friend are better equipped to meet their children’s emotional needs. Even small moments of self-compassion can create space for connection and joy.
And let’s be honest; parenting isn’t meant to be a solo endeavour, as the saying, ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ understood the importance of others around us. Leaning on partners, friends, or a supportive community can be a lifeline. Studies on social support systems highlight their protective effects against parental burnout. Hearing someone say, “Me too,” or “You’re doing just fine,” can be enough to shatter that inner critic. There’s beauty in admitting we don’t have it all figured out. In fact, that’s where connection thrives.
To any parent reading this who feels like they’re not enough; know this: you are enough. Your child doesn’t need a superhero; they need you. The you who makes mistakes, apologises, tries again, and loves fiercely. Give yourself grace, because that’s exactly what you deserve and what you’d offer to your child without hesitation. By showing up with authenticity, especially during the heightened emotions of the holiday season, you’re teaching your child one of life’s most important lessons:
it’s okay to be Human!
From all of us at the Pen Plus Team, we wish you a holiday season filled with love, connection, and moments of peace. You’re doing an incredible job, and we hope you carry that reminder with you into the new year. Thank you for your trust and commitment in allowing us to work alongside you in supporting your child. Your dedication makes all the difference, and we’re honoured to be part of your journey.
Please note that our client appointments come to a close, at the end of business day on Thursday the 19th of December, and we reopen to welcome you on 6th of January 2025.
Happy holidays,
Kuljit