When life gets loud, it’s easy to focus on our child’s behaviour and forget the most powerful tool we have: our own nervous system. Children—especially neurodivergent children and those with additional support needs—tend to mirror the emotional climate around them. When we’re regulated, we lend them our CALM. When we’re overwhelmed, they often feel it, too.
This isn’t about being a “perfect parent.” It’s about building routines and inner resources that help you stay grounded, connected, and present—even on the messy days.
“You cannot pour from an empty cup. Healing yourself is the first step to nurturing your child.” – Dr Shefali
Why Self-Care & Inner Work Matter
Lead by example. Children internalise our patterns. Calm, mindful parents help grow resilient, emotionally aware children.
Our children borrow our calm. Regulation is contagious. When you stay centred, you’re modelling and co-regulating—especially powerful for neurodivergent kids.
Prevent burnout. Constantly giving without replenishing leads to exhaustion, irritability, and disconnection. Sustainable parenting protects everyone.
Know your triggers. Inner work helps you spot old patterns and unprocessed emotions that can hijack your responses.
Respond with clarity, not projection. Healing your own experiences helps you meet your child where they are, rather than repeating past cycles.
Strengthen relationships. A regulated parent strengthens connection with their child, partner, and community.
Key Insights from Dr Shefali
Parenting as conscious leadership. Your emotional wellbeing shapes your child more than any rule or routine.
Inner work is essential. Transforming your fears and anxieties allows you to parent from authenticity, not reactivity.
Presence over perfection. Your child doesn’t need an idealised parent—they need you, paying attention, consistently.
“When you transform yourself, you transform your child’s world.” – Dr Shefali
What “Inner Work” Can Look Like
Inner work isn’t a grand overhaul—it’s a series of small, compassionate check-ins that build over time.
- Daily emotional check-in (5–10 minutes). Name what you feel: “I’m tense and tired.” Noticing creates choice.
- Body resets. Slow breaths, a short walk, a glass of water—tiny resets regulate your nervous system quickly.
- Boundaries that protect your energy. Saying “no” or “not right now” makes space for the “yeses” that matter.
- Reconnect with yourself. Journalling, movement, creativity, gardening, a cuppa in the sun—whatever nourishes you.
- Mindful responding. “Pause–Breathe–Observe–Respond.” Even 10 seconds can shift a moment.
- Seek support. Therapy, parent groups, mentors—community helps you sustain growth.
A 2-Minute Grounding Routine (Save This!)
- Plant your feet. Notice contact with the floor.
- Exhale slowly. Then inhale through your nose for 4, out for 6—five cycles.
- Name one emotion + one need. “I feel anxious; I need reassurance.”
- Choose one small action. “I’ll validate my child’s feeling and speak softly.”
When It Feels Hard
You won’t be calm all the time. None of us are. What matters is repair—coming back to connection after rupture.
- “I got frustrated before. I’m sorry. Let’s try again.”
- “That was a tricky moment. I love you. We can figure it out together.”
Repair teaches children that relationships can be safe, honest, and resilient.
Common Myths (And Kinder Truths)
- Myth: If I look after myself first, I’m being selfish.
Truth: Self-care is child-care. A resourced parent can co-regulate and connect.
- Myth: I should never get it wrong.
Truth: Perfection isn’t the goal. Presence and repair are.
- Myth: My child should learn to calm down on their own.
Truth: Co-regulation comes before self-regulation. We lend our calm until they can grow their own.
Try These Connection Scripts
- Naming feelings: “You’re upset and it makes sense. I’m here.”
- Co-regulation invite: “Let’s breathe together—long slow out-breaths.”
- Choice and agency: “Would you like a quiet corner or a tight cuddle?”
- Sensory support: “Let’s grab your headphones and chewy—then we’ll chat.”
You Don’t Have To Do This Alone
At Peninsula Plus, our Parent Capacity Building sessions are designed to support you—your strategies, your confidence, your wellbeing—so your child can thrive. We’ll work alongside you to tailor co-regulation tools, sensory supports, communication strategies, and daily routines that fit your family.
Book a Parent Capacity Building Session
Call (03) 5975 1500 or email admin@penplus.com.au and ask to book with Kuljit.
These sessions can be funded under your child’s NDIS plan.